kim faires photography + stuff
I originally thought this post was going to be about the more concrete steps I have taken so far in my filmmaking venture. I was telling myself that since the previous four posts were of an internal nature it would be best to talk about the tangibles for a bit.
But then all hell broke loose.
And, since my last post, things have been somewhat, um, disturbed.
Now, notwithstanding the unfortunate fact that I was paid a visit by STLEFW Kim last week, AND also notwithstanding the fact that a writer I commented on my blog, which is completely awesome btw, but which also precipitated a little freak-out of sorts on my part which, thankfully, was witnessed only by my partner and five of my lovely hockey teammates who happened to be in the dressing room that night when I was giddily chattering on about it after the game …
… BUT, as I say, notwithstanding these two MOMENTOUS events, I also came face to face these past weeks with a little diablo called PROCRASTINATION.
Ah yes. Yes, yes, yes. We all know what it is and what it does. But here’s the thing: I never expected it to appear in this way or in this place. The way it has appeared recently.
Like a big freaking SLUG. The biggest EVER.
I mean, seriously. Come on.
I have some kind of life-changing epiphany, decide to suck it up and find the courage to step out onto a new path, and a mere four strides into my journey some massive mollusk of a creature crawls out of the bushes and schlepps its way across my route?
Yes. Yes, seriously. That is exactly what happened. And I haven’t even actually started on the filmmaking path yet. All I did was start blogging about it.
And he just seems so immovable to me.
But THEN, there is this cool thing that happened:
While I’m sitting there, on the garden path, hanging out with my newfound friend–this big-ass slug–I get an email from a (better) friend in San Diego.
She’s reading a book on numerology.
But she doesn’t tell me that. She just writes: “I have a hunch about something … what year were you born again?”
So I tell her. And then she emails me again and reveals that she is, in fact, reading a book on numerology (yes, that’s right, numerology–numerology and slugs for godsakes!) and she says she was so struck by its accuracy that she wanted to see what it said about me.
Indeed. Well. Here’s what it said:
Your number is ‘5′ and represents Freedom and Discipline. Your life purpose isn’t what comes easiest, hence, like many 5’s, you feel neither free nor disciplined. You are here to find inner freedom through discipline.
Inner freedom through discipline. (*blink blink*)
I dunno, but I’m guessin’ that could have something to do with big-ass slugs.
And so, then, a bunch of pennies drop in Kimland:
Yeah. You bet I crave freedom: the freedom to follow my heart, and to pursue a creative lifestyle; to make my own way independently; to follow my fascinations, and to do the work that, just maybe, I was put on this earth to do.
Without being afraid of it.
Without worrying constantly that I am going to be miserable and die in poverty and anguish just because I made that choice.
I want the freedom to be who I am, and to do what I do, without having to jam my rectangular spirit into a tiny round f**king hole.
I have always wanted this.
But I have always avoided it. Shied away from it. Given in to the resistance. Tried to find an easier path. Thrown in the towel.
I’m going to beat this thing. I am going to find a way through the resistance.
Somehow I am going to learn to live with this jumbo snail and perhaps encourage him to lose a little weight.
Because I have to. I need to. He is standing in my way. Nay, he is SPRAWLED across the path to somewhere I really want to be.
And I know that now. For sure.
So, thank you numerology book for your pithy summation of my life-long struggle. I am now off to find out anything and everything I can about procrastination and all its manifestations.
‘Cause I’m gonna see if I can’t find a way to outsmart Mr. Slug.